, when you read some of the warning labels put on products, you can assume one of two things. Either a really dumb lawyer wrote them or someone has done these things in the past and the company had to add the warning label as a result. I think the latter is the case most of the time.
Ashtrays: “Never use lighter fluid, kerosene, gasoline, or any other flammable liquid to clean your ashtray.”
Windex: Do not spray in eyes.
Laser printer manufacturer Ricoh warns customers: Do not eat toner
Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets.
label for an abdominal-exercising machine: Caution: Do not close your eyes while driving.
Hair Coloring: Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Calvin klein Shirt label: Keep away from fire.
Mattress: Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.
On a Jar of Wegman’s Peanut Butter: Allergens; Contains Peanuts. Made in a plant that processes tree nuts.
Pepper Spray: Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.
Sleep Aid Medicine: May cause drowsiness.
Hair Dryer: Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
Chainsaw Warning: WARNING: Do Not Hold Wrong End of Chainsaw.
Road Sign: Caution water on road during rain.
Washing machine: WARNING: Do Not Put Person in Washing Machine
Air Conditioner: Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
On a Fuel Tank Cap: WARNING: Do Not Use a Lit Match to Check Fuel Level.
Slush Puppy Cup: This ice may be cold.
On Dog Medication: WARNING: Use Care when Operating a Car or Dangerous Machinery.
Hershey’s Almond Bar: Warning: May contain traces of nuts.
Bellsouth Yellow Pages: Caution: Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle.
Bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
baby stroller made by Century: Remove Child Before Folding.
Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.
A household iron made by Rowenta Inc: Never iron clothes while they are being worn.
Curling Iron: Warning: This product can burn eyes.
Two warnings on a handheld hairdryer: The first: “Don’t use while sleeping.” And: “Don’t use at an intensive care station when oxygen is in use.”
Microwave Oven: Do not use for drying pets.
Instructions for a cordless phone: Do not put lit candles on phone.
Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle “body-surfing” at a concert: Always drive on roads. Not on people.
Toilet brush: Do not use for personal hygiene.
Box of household nails: CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!
Container of salt: Warning: High in sodium.
Hose Nozzle: Do not spray into electrical outlet.
Black and Decker Drill: Do not use as a dental drill.
Thermometer: Once used rectally, this thermometer should not be used orally.
Ok, those are all real warning labels. Maybe we should add some new warning labels like;
On an Airbag: To activate, start car, press gas pedal all the way down while aiming directly toward brick wall.
Are we just getting dumber or what?
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