holiday killers

you know what really grinds my gears???


People who "don't like" holidays, birthdays, etc.


I understand if you're a Jehovah's Witness (well strike that, I don't really understand Jehovah's Witnesses....) and it's because your religion forbids you from any form of celebration. Or perhaps you're 38, single, living alone with your 4 cats after your husband left you for his 21 year old receptionist and you hate Valentine's day. Or you're a rather short man with red bushy hair who has an affinity for top hats and green vests and you hate St. Patty's. I'll even give people who have speech impediments a pass to hate Talk Like a Pirate Day. But why hate Christmahanakwanzika? Or your birthday? Or any other joyous occasion that is an excuse to celebrate and be with those you care about?



So what that in Pop-Pop's Rum and Coke fueled bender he spilled red wine all over mom's antique lace table cloth. Or that you're turning 28, big woop. And I don't care that your birthday is over Christmas break and you always feel a little cheated that it's so close to that one guy, Jesus', birthday. And if you're my boyfriend? I want you to do something stupidly cheesy for Valentine's Day. Saying it's a holiday created by the greeting card industry is a cop out and it will not work with me. Otherwise, I'd like to reintroduce you to an old friend of yours, your right hand.



Your family is no less insane, dysfunctional, or dramatic than Tiger and Elin Wood's or more than the Cleavers. It's all relative (pun intended!! ha, get it?). And as my mother always said, you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family. So let your friends you "picked" throw you a birthday party, get your girlfriend her favorite flowers for V Day, dress up like Kate Gosselin for Halloween, and for allah's sake, make an effort to see your fam on TGiving/Christmas. Because the alcohol induced screaming, Go Fish playing, and snide remarks wouldn't be the same without you.