you know what really grinds my gears???
People who "don't like" holidays, birthdays, etc.
I understand if you're a Jehovah's Witness (well strike that, I don't really understand Jehovah's Witnesses....) and it's because your religion forbids you from any form of celebration. Or perhaps you're 38, single, living alone with your 4 cats after your husband left you for his 21 year old receptionist and you hate Valentine's day. Or you're a rather short man with red bushy hair who has an affinity for top hats and green vests and you hate St. Patty's. I'll even give people who have speech impediments a pass to hate Talk Like a Pirate Day. But why hate Christmahanakwanzika? Or your birthday? Or any other joyous occasion that is an excuse to celebrate and be with those you care about?
So what that in Pop-Pop's Rum and Coke fueled bender he spilled red wine all over mom's antique lace table cloth. Or that you're turning 28, big woop. And I don't care that your birthday is over Christmas break and you always feel a little cheated that it's so close to that one guy, Jesus', birthday. And if you're my boyfriend? I want you to do something stupidly cheesy for Valentine's Day. Saying it's a holiday created by the greeting card industry is a cop out and it will not work with me. Otherwise, I'd like to reintroduce you to an old friend of yours, your right hand.
Your family is no less insane, dysfunctional, or dramatic than Tiger and Elin Wood's or more than the Cleavers. It's all relative (pun intended!! ha, get it?). And as my mother always said, you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family. So let your friends you "picked" throw you a birthday party, get your girlfriend her favorite flowers for V Day, dress up like Kate Gosselin for Halloween, and for allah's sake, make an effort to see your fam on TGiving/Christmas. Because the alcohol induced screaming, Go Fish playing, and snide remarks wouldn't be the same without you.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Last bite of the apple
Why is it always that with the last bite of an apple, you are guaranteed to get some stuck in between your teeth?
You can happily chomp away without a care in the world and then when it comes to the last bite it gets stuck right in that gap that doesnt exist and just doesn't want to come out. Ever. No matter the method, toothpick, knife, finger nail.. Its not coming out. So how does this lodge itself out, noone knows, it just ups and leaves on its own. A phenominon that has stumped even the best of scientists. Annoying, but delicious.
This really grind my gears!
You can happily chomp away without a care in the world and then when it comes to the last bite it gets stuck right in that gap that doesnt exist and just doesn't want to come out. Ever. No matter the method, toothpick, knife, finger nail.. Its not coming out. So how does this lodge itself out, noone knows, it just ups and leaves on its own. A phenominon that has stumped even the best of scientists. Annoying, but delicious.
This really grind my gears!
Christopher Columbus
Heres the deal, Columbus is a fraud! He comes to america and knows hes in the wrong place, but to avoid looking like a compolete idiot and lies to his crew and says he's in india. Thanks to his mistake all natives are now refered to as indians. " Look guys its india"...What an idiot! Face it you were wrong, yea jew bag!
That really grinds my gears
That really grinds my gears
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
walking through the halls of fundy!
As i slowly meander through the immense masses of student, I come to my senses. This is like rush hour in New York on a Friday. Despite my futile efforts of yelling such phrases as: Hurry up or Your right in the way! the line seizes to progress past its normal pase, SLOW!
From my middle level experience or even my experiences as an Albert street eagle, i have never experienced something as slow as walking though the halls of Fundy high school. Whether your trying to go to class, the cafeteria, or anywheres in between, you will have to face the pedantic rush, which in turn slows everyone down.
From my middle level experience or even my experiences as an Albert street eagle, i have never experienced something as slow as walking though the halls of Fundy high school. Whether your trying to go to class, the cafeteria, or anywheres in between, you will have to face the pedantic rush, which in turn slows everyone down.
Tech Class
Boring, Shallow, padantic, these are few of the words that can be used to describe the inadvertant and incoherant prison we call tech class. As you may have previously read about my tech teacher, hes not the best in the world. So basically in tech class i do absolutly nothing. Infact im doing my blog in this class right now!, better then doing nothing i suppose.
Tech class is by far the most usless and boring class i have ever had, Fortuantly i only have this class for four more days, The end is near! It shall be a time worth of celebration. But until then i guess i will just have to endure the pathetic teacher, dull class, and imensly annoying students.
Man does this grind my gears!
Tech class is by far the most usless and boring class i have ever had, Fortuantly i only have this class for four more days, The end is near! It shall be a time worth of celebration. But until then i guess i will just have to endure the pathetic teacher, dull class, and imensly annoying students.
Man does this grind my gears!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Supid labels for stupid people
, when you read some of the warning labels put on products, you can assume one of two things. Either a really dumb lawyer wrote them or someone has done these things in the past and the company had to add the warning label as a result. I think the latter is the case most of the time.
Ashtrays: “Never use lighter fluid, kerosene, gasoline, or any other flammable liquid to clean your ashtray.”
Windex: Do not spray in eyes.
Laser printer manufacturer Ricoh warns customers: Do not eat toner
Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets.
label for an abdominal-exercising machine: Caution: Do not close your eyes while driving.
Hair Coloring: Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Calvin klein Shirt label: Keep away from fire.
Mattress: Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.
On a Jar of Wegman’s Peanut Butter: Allergens; Contains Peanuts. Made in a plant that processes tree nuts.
Pepper Spray: Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.
Sleep Aid Medicine: May cause drowsiness.
Hair Dryer: Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
Chainsaw Warning: WARNING: Do Not Hold Wrong End of Chainsaw.
Road Sign: Caution water on road during rain.
Washing machine: WARNING: Do Not Put Person in Washing Machine
Air Conditioner: Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
On a Fuel Tank Cap: WARNING: Do Not Use a Lit Match to Check Fuel Level.
Slush Puppy Cup: This ice may be cold.
On Dog Medication: WARNING: Use Care when Operating a Car or Dangerous Machinery.
Hershey’s Almond Bar: Warning: May contain traces of nuts.
Bellsouth Yellow Pages: Caution: Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle.
Bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
baby stroller made by Century: Remove Child Before Folding.
Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.
A household iron made by Rowenta Inc: Never iron clothes while they are being worn.
Curling Iron: Warning: This product can burn eyes.
Two warnings on a handheld hairdryer: The first: “Don’t use while sleeping.” And: “Don’t use at an intensive care station when oxygen is in use.”
Microwave Oven: Do not use for drying pets.
Instructions for a cordless phone: Do not put lit candles on phone.
Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle “body-surfing” at a concert: Always drive on roads. Not on people.
Toilet brush: Do not use for personal hygiene.
Box of household nails: CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!
Container of salt: Warning: High in sodium.
Hose Nozzle: Do not spray into electrical outlet.
Black and Decker Drill: Do not use as a dental drill.
Thermometer: Once used rectally, this thermometer should not be used orally.
Ok, those are all real warning labels. Maybe we should add some new warning labels like;
On an Airbag: To activate, start car, press gas pedal all the way down while aiming directly toward brick wall.
Are we just getting dumber or what?
Ashtrays: “Never use lighter fluid, kerosene, gasoline, or any other flammable liquid to clean your ashtray.”
Windex: Do not spray in eyes.
Laser printer manufacturer Ricoh warns customers: Do not eat toner
Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets.
label for an abdominal-exercising machine: Caution: Do not close your eyes while driving.
Hair Coloring: Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Calvin klein Shirt label: Keep away from fire.
Mattress: Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.
On a Jar of Wegman’s Peanut Butter: Allergens; Contains Peanuts. Made in a plant that processes tree nuts.
Pepper Spray: Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.
Sleep Aid Medicine: May cause drowsiness.
Hair Dryer: Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
Chainsaw Warning: WARNING: Do Not Hold Wrong End of Chainsaw.
Road Sign: Caution water on road during rain.
Washing machine: WARNING: Do Not Put Person in Washing Machine
Air Conditioner: Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
On a Fuel Tank Cap: WARNING: Do Not Use a Lit Match to Check Fuel Level.
Slush Puppy Cup: This ice may be cold.
On Dog Medication: WARNING: Use Care when Operating a Car or Dangerous Machinery.
Hershey’s Almond Bar: Warning: May contain traces of nuts.
Bellsouth Yellow Pages: Caution: Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle.
Bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
baby stroller made by Century: Remove Child Before Folding.
Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.
A household iron made by Rowenta Inc: Never iron clothes while they are being worn.
Curling Iron: Warning: This product can burn eyes.
Two warnings on a handheld hairdryer: The first: “Don’t use while sleeping.” And: “Don’t use at an intensive care station when oxygen is in use.”
Microwave Oven: Do not use for drying pets.
Instructions for a cordless phone: Do not put lit candles on phone.
Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle “body-surfing” at a concert: Always drive on roads. Not on people.
Toilet brush: Do not use for personal hygiene.
Box of household nails: CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!
Container of salt: Warning: High in sodium.
Hose Nozzle: Do not spray into electrical outlet.
Black and Decker Drill: Do not use as a dental drill.
Thermometer: Once used rectally, this thermometer should not be used orally.
Ok, those are all real warning labels. Maybe we should add some new warning labels like;
On an Airbag: To activate, start car, press gas pedal all the way down while aiming directly toward brick wall.
Are we just getting dumber or what?
Chain letters
Chain letters! Who the hell thinks that
by annoying other people with stupid mail with
no meaning, that they will grant you a wish, or
make your long-lost love fall into your arms.
Bullshit! I'm so sure that by breaking a stupid
chain letter that the computer gods are going to
curse me!! What a crock of shit!!!
By the way, if you send this to 10
people, shit won't happen, and that person you're
in love with won't come crawling to you...so if
you feel this is funny, go on and send it to some
one else, but don't expect one damn thing in return!
by annoying other people with stupid mail with
no meaning, that they will grant you a wish, or
make your long-lost love fall into your arms.
Bullshit! I'm so sure that by breaking a stupid
chain letter that the computer gods are going to
curse me!! What a crock of shit!!!
By the way, if you send this to 10
people, shit won't happen, and that person you're
in love with won't come crawling to you...so if
you feel this is funny, go on and send it to some
one else, but don't expect one damn thing in return!
Fat Kids
Ever know a super fat kid...Me too, and you know who i blame, there parents and the economy of good and evil. These kids who get large when there young because of there parents, later componsate by eating, and since these kids have no athletic abilitys or do not attempt to do anything they remain fat. Then all of a sudden one day they get too fat and have a massive heart attack resulting in them re-thinking there life and trying to get thin...Many will try, few will suceed.
For instance...oprah, she was thin then fat then thin and now shes back to fat and trying to be thin again, Publicity stunt? I think so, jokes on her shes gonna kill herself, lipos not good for a person. Poor oprah. Lets all take a minute of silence today to conmemorate oprahs early death.
For instance...oprah, she was thin then fat then thin and now shes back to fat and trying to be thin again, Publicity stunt? I think so, jokes on her shes gonna kill herself, lipos not good for a person. Poor oprah. Lets all take a minute of silence today to conmemorate oprahs early death.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Stupid People
Ever have that one person in your class who thinks it necessary to constantly argue and scream at the teacher..I have four of them, none of which are even slightly intelligent nor capable of staying in any class for more then ten minutes without being loud disruptive or complete idiots! For example everyday in English class when everyones peaceful and working they barge through the door laughing like there cool(which there not)and completely disrupt everyone else's learning environment, and every day its the same routine.
Try walking a mile in those shoes.
Try walking a mile in those shoes.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Waddling Deleter
Ever have the worst possible tech teacher?, Yes you say?, Well imagine that teacher multiply him by 100 and add 60 year old chubby guy who failed to go anywhere in life, and you have my tech teacher.
For legal reasons and what not, we will call him "The Waddling Deleter". This is the type of "know it all" who in fact knows nothing and is insecure and jealous of anyone who actually might make something of themselves unlike himself. So you know what he does to prevent this...Sabatoge. Thats right he sees a student acceding and getting ahead and think " They might go somewheres in life". He then watches for several moments, compliments you and after several more moments gos on his computer and logs you off, causing you to loose all unsaved work. OH and don't bother confronting him about it because he'll say he didn't do it even though i seen him do it to several other people, then he'll suggest you start over from scratch and tell you it's a good thing you lost all of your nearly completed work. Little did this pudgy little man know , i refuse to do anymore work until my previous work has been restored or i get credit for it and that several people have complained to a teacher who in tern is going to conferrance with the vice-principle of doom. I refuse to take this from a pudgy little failure who waddles around scared of his own shadow.
For legal reasons and what not, we will call him "The Waddling Deleter". This is the type of "know it all" who in fact knows nothing and is insecure and jealous of anyone who actually might make something of themselves unlike himself. So you know what he does to prevent this...Sabatoge. Thats right he sees a student acceding and getting ahead and think " They might go somewheres in life". He then watches for several moments, compliments you and after several more moments gos on his computer and logs you off, causing you to loose all unsaved work. OH and don't bother confronting him about it because he'll say he didn't do it even though i seen him do it to several other people, then he'll suggest you start over from scratch and tell you it's a good thing you lost all of your nearly completed work. Little did this pudgy little man know , i refuse to do anymore work until my previous work has been restored or i get credit for it and that several people have complained to a teacher who in tern is going to conferrance with the vice-principle of doom. I refuse to take this from a pudgy little failure who waddles around scared of his own shadow.
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