Supid labels for stupid people

, when you read some of the warning labels put on products, you can assume one of two things. Either a really dumb lawyer wrote them or someone has done these things in the past and the company had to add the warning label as a result. I think the latter is the case most of the time.

Ashtrays: “Never use lighter fluid, kerosene, gasoline, or any other flammable liquid to clean your ashtray.”

Windex: Do not spray in eyes.

Laser printer manufacturer Ricoh warns customers: Do not eat toner

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets.

label for an abdominal-exercising machine: Caution: Do not close your eyes while driving.

Hair Coloring: Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Calvin klein Shirt label: Keep away from fire.

Mattress: Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.

On a Jar of Wegman’s Peanut Butter: Allergens; Contains Peanuts. Made in a plant that processes tree nuts.

Pepper Spray: Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.

Sleep Aid Medicine: May cause drowsiness.

Hair Dryer: Warning: Do not use while sleeping.

Chainsaw Warning: WARNING: Do Not Hold Wrong End of Chainsaw.

Road Sign: Caution water on road during rain.

Washing machine: WARNING: Do Not Put Person in Washing Machine

Air Conditioner: Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.

On a Fuel Tank Cap: WARNING: Do Not Use a Lit Match to Check Fuel Level.

Slush Puppy Cup: This ice may be cold.

On Dog Medication: WARNING: Use Care when Operating a Car or Dangerous Machinery.

Hershey’s Almond Bar: Warning: May contain traces of nuts.

Bellsouth Yellow Pages: Caution: Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle.

Bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

baby stroller made by Century: Remove Child Before Folding.

Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.

A household iron made by Rowenta Inc: Never iron clothes while they are being worn.

Curling Iron: Warning: This product can burn eyes.

Two warnings on a handheld hairdryer: The first: “Don’t use while sleeping.” And: “Don’t use at an intensive care station when oxygen is in use.”

Microwave Oven: Do not use for drying pets.

Instructions for a cordless phone: Do not put lit candles on phone.

Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle “body-surfing” at a concert: Always drive on roads. Not on people.

Toilet brush: Do not use for personal hygiene.

Box of household nails: CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!

Container of salt: Warning: High in sodium.

Hose Nozzle: Do not spray into electrical outlet.

Black and Decker Drill: Do not use as a dental drill.

Thermometer: Once used rectally, this thermometer should not be used orally.

Ok, those are all real warning labels. Maybe we should add some new warning labels like;

On an Airbag: To activate, start car, press gas pedal all the way down while aiming directly toward brick wall.

Are we just getting dumber or what?